Writing about Sex, Blogging about Desire

By Franci McMahon

What is often the hardest scene to write? The dreaded sex scene. We all say there doesn’t have to be one, and that it can be a lesbian novel without sex, but, well, it is a lesbian novel. And here is where, right up front, I trot out that wise saying, “Write about what you know.”


Are we writing from memory about sex, or is it an active, present part of our lives?


Art by Franci McMahon





A primary lesbian goal is the myth of happily ever after being realized. There are some rare happily ever afters, which I suspect have taken much awareness, openness, maturity and mutual respect to make happen, and all too often, in the interest of longevity, a shutting down and closing off of sexual awareness. When sex goes out of your life to accommodate to being faithful, it really does leave.


I know for me, I’ve stayed in relationships far beyond the ‘use by’ date.


Then what happens when you no longer need to tamp yourself down, that your eyes can cruise a room full of women? The awakening aspect of being single is that I’m writing from a state of desire. I haven’t felt this condition in so long I truly had forgotten the whole body experience. You see I met this alluring, sexy woman at, what else, a lesbian potluck. The sum of this budding romance is that we have smiled at each other across a crowded room.


From this insignificant exchange my body has catapulted into warm total infusion of desire. Of course, a lot of creativity went into the growth of that awareness. I smile a lot. I imagine her accepting the card with my phone number on it. I place my warm hand over my crotch to hold it in a comforting embrace. Every fiber of my being is charged with energy.


Now I read back over the novel I’ve been revising with a new outlook.Night Mare

We all know what body parts we have and use during sex scenes. Let us enter the lush fields of desire, to explore the velvet of a peony, peppery tang of a nasturtium, the heady aroma of a freesia.


Everything we write is based on our memories, in some form. The people we’ve known, women we’ve loved, places we’ve traveled, emotions that have both torn and healed us. To give depth to our writing we need to go to our own rich aromatic earth, add horse manure and bright silvering water to our dark small seeds. We need to pull the weeds that sap the strength of our nubile plants, and in the end offer our readers flowers of exquisite beauty.



12 Responses to “Writing about Sex, Blogging about Desire”

  1. 1 S.A. March 17, 2015 at 10:29 AM

    Interesting point – much as with any of a story’s components, the author must draw on some manner of personal experience even when writing “the sex scene.” (I chuckled at the graphic, btw.) I’m curious, though, in that you seem cynical about romance in long-lasting couples…


  2. 3 sequimmorgayne March 17, 2015 at 10:50 AM

    Hello! That was absolutely lovely…and sexy. A sexy blog I can imagine how sexy your novel. And the art is crazy good. Well done you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 4 mabslp March 17, 2015 at 11:58 AM

    Hello Francie,
    I remember reading Night Mare, it is a good story. I am wondering if there are plans to revise, Staying the Distance, one of my all time favorites. I would like to revisit Rachel and Margaret!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. 6 Susan Mc March 17, 2015 at 3:56 PM

    Your blog here has done it for me, now I want to read what you have written. I am single now too and yes, all the doors have opened…I struggle with the enormity and the freedom of it. What you have written here inspires and jump starts me into the next creation….thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. 8 Devlyn March 17, 2015 at 8:46 PM

    Thanks for your blog, you raise some interesting points. I have your book on my Sony Reader and look forward to reading it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. 9 francimcmahon March 17, 2015 at 11:10 PM

    Lovely comments here. In the e book form Night Mare has been rewritten and revised. And tune in mid September for the Night Mare sequel, White Horse in Winter. I have been missing Rachel and Margaret and thinking about Staying the Distance. There is brand new talk of a revision.


  7. 10 Lee Lynch March 18, 2015 at 1:28 AM

    Lovely, lovely writing, Franci. And fun!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. 11 Nikki Schrager March 19, 2015 at 4:31 PM

    Franci, that was very good. Let’s chat soon. Looking forward to the new book.


  9. 12 B Conlan March 26, 2015 at 9:04 AM

    It seems the crown and crucifixion of lesbian relationships is how wildly close and safe you can feel with another woman. Sometimes sex is exciting because of distance and danger 🙂 So, we all try to nest and end up feeling like “family,” but you don’t really want sex with a family member. I am eager to read White Horse in Winter!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 623 other followers

%d bloggers like this: