The Amazon Trail

Oh, No! Not the Pradas!

Lee Lynch


In the face of the racist, puritanical, self-serving, money-mad, avaricious U.S. citizens and politicians whose votes and campaigns against fairness and reason won out in the recent midterm elections, we need to keep laughing, working to retain what we have gained, and believing in miracles.

This fall, at Women’s Week in Provincetown, Massachusetts, I got my little miracle.

Of course, Tex is taking all the credit. First off, Tex was Best Butch at our wedding four years ago. She had a bad cold at the time and left before the wedding cake was served. We have been hearing about her tragic disappointment ever since. This year, the bakery was open thru Women’s Week. My sweetheart ordered a smaller version of our cake.  In the swirl of lesbian events, socializing—and searching for my lost glasses—I was trying to connect with Tex to get her some cake.

The evening before, I discovered that my glasses were missing. I’ve been wearing glasses, full-time, for over 60 years and my particular visual issues require a very expensive prescription, so this was no small deal. I spent the morning recreating my perambulations of the last 20 hours. I was pretty sure I lost them coming out of a book signing with writer Rachel Spangler because we were chattering with the excitement of the event and the week and reconnecting.

I switched my clear glasses for sunglasses, carefully slipping the case into my brand new Human Rights Campaign (HRC) mini-messenger bag. I suspect that the glasses, in their case, slipped right on through and out the front flap of the unfamiliar bag. A little posse of us searched every inch of the area that night, but no glasses.

My sweetheart posted the loss on Facebook. That didn’t find the glasses, but it did prompt our optician, back in Tampa, to respond, in horror, “Not the Pradas!”

Well, yes, the Pradas. I am not in the habit of buying high-end frames, but I was having a heck of a time finding anything I liked until the other optician in that office, who clearly would understand the tastes of a lesbian butch, quietly left his seat and returned with a pair from the men’s section.

Photo Credit by Sue Fagalde Lick

Photo Credit by Sue Fagalde Lick

Love at first sight. Denim in color. Best. Frames. Ever.

And now, in Ptown, they were lost for eternity.

We had a lunch date with librarian pal M.J. and writers Karin Kallmaker and Pol Robinson. By this time a good percentage of the Women’s Week attendees, shopkeepers, hotel clerks, parking attendants, wait staff and police force were on the lookout for my glasses. Someone at our table suggested we check the Women’s Week info center in the old firehouse on Commercial Street to see if they’d been turned them in.

But first I had to find Tex and get some long-awaited cake to her. We agreed by phone to meet at the Farmers’ Market. My sweetheart, M.J. and Pol headed off to the HRC store and I set out to find Tex. On my way, I passed the firehouse and asked about my glasses. They didn’t have them.  When I found Tex she dragged me back to the firehouse in search of a Women’s Week t-shirt.

Tex was trying on the shirts and choosing colors, and I was advising her, as were all four volunteers, including Massachusetts State Representative Sarah Peake and her wife Lynn Mogell, owners of Heritage House, as well as a woman from another Ptown inn, Ravenwood, and yet another helpful woman.

A woman leaned into the firehouse from the street, held an arm up to display something, and asked, “Has anyone lost this?”

I’m aware that my jaw has dropped. I stare at my glass case, unable to speak, as we have torn apart the town, our luggage, the rental, and the car looking for this. I also scheduled an emergency eye appointment the day we got home—a matter of a 5 hour round trip.

Tex keeps saying, “Lee-ee, are those your glasses?”

Everyone in the firehouse is, by this time, holding her breath. Astonished to the point of paralysis, I manage to yell, “Yes!”

Then the excited women are cheering and hooting and talking all at once and I go down on one knee to thank the woman and thank the goddess and introduce myself and the poor woman, Colleen, seems overwhelmed and flees.

The Ravenswood woman and I talk about the confluence of energies that led to this reunion with my glasses like it was a spiritual thing. If Colleen hadn’t picked the glasses up, if she hadn’t kept them safe, if Tex hadn’t wanted that t-shirt, if my sweetheart hadn’t ordered the cake…. The scene was total revival hall; the music from across the street was “Hallelujah.”

Then Lynn Mogell asked, Did you say you’re Lee Lynch? and fesses up to having been a long-time fan and is thrilled and that’s when everyone introduces themselves and a few minutes later I call my sweetheart to tell her to stop searching and she says, “I know!” because Colleen-the-Finder happened to stop at the HRC store next and knew Karin Kallmaker and announced that she’d just returned Lee Lynch’s lost glasses and the HRC store erupted in excitement and cheers and Karin had the presence of mind to get the woman’s card and wouldn’t you know it, Colleen’s job is very similar to the one I retired from and I will send her my book and there is rejoicing in the world.

Obviously, it all happened because Tex led me back to the firehouse.

The little miracle was getting my glasses back. The big miracle was all the gay people pulling together to make that happen.

Imagine if, next election, all the gay people pulled together to make more miracles, like giving kids safe homes and schools, spending our tax money on health care and good food for everyone. If it can happen for a pair of Pradas, it can happen for politics.


Copyright Lee Lynch  2014

23 Responses to “The Amazon Trail”

  1. 1 Renee Bess December 30, 2014 at 8:58 AM

    What a wonderful story! Thanks, Lee. And Happy New Year to you and Elaine!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 2 Mary December 30, 2014 at 9:56 AM

    Lee, You always say something profound with a bit of humor. Happy Nee Year.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 3 sequimmorgayne December 30, 2014 at 9:57 AM

    I bow to the blogging master!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. 4 T Little December 30, 2014 at 12:07 PM

    Fantastic story. It feels strange to get goosebumps over the return of a pair of glasses, but that is exactly what happened. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. 6 Devlyn December 30, 2014 at 8:39 PM

    So glad you got the Pradas back, wow what an adventure. Happy New Year to you and Elaine.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. 7 Lee Lynch December 30, 2014 at 10:10 PM

    I appreciate all your comments and good wishes. Happy 2015 to all of you and yours!


  7. 8 Sheri Campbell December 30, 2014 at 10:34 PM

    Such a wonderful story. I have experienced loss and found and sometimes never found… Loved the happy ending. Did TEX like the cake?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. 9 Lee Lynch December 30, 2014 at 11:17 PM

    Tex liked the cake. I hope you never lose anything again.


  9. 10 Widdershins December 31, 2014 at 1:16 AM

    The Butterfly (glasses) Effect! 😀


  10. 11 Denna December 31, 2014 at 10:20 AM

    Thanks for making me smile on the last day of 2014. Happy New Year to you and your sweetheart!


  11. 13 Kim December 31, 2014 at 8:29 PM

    Cool story! Happy New Year.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. 14 Lee Lynch December 31, 2014 at 8:37 PM

    Thanks. You too, Kim.


  13. 15 onamarae January 1, 2015 at 9:15 AM

    Lee, congratulations on your recovery of your glasses! Thank you for the very best reading to wake up to on the morning of January 1st. Thank you for your tremendous writing skills that you share with all of us, inspiring so many new writers and authors. Most especially, thank you for the books that have encouraged Femmes and Butches in isolated places and families to maintain strength and courage in their identities, and comfort in knowing that they are not alone. As the new year begins, I am about to sit down to read my new print copy of “Sweet Creek” (still catching up on past classics!) and enjoy the beginning of a new year. Thank you again for all your writing has meant to me! See you in New Orleans!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. 16 S.A. January 1, 2015 at 6:37 PM

    Loved the blog, Lee, as always! Glad to hear you got your glasses back, and enjoyed how the P-Town gathering rallied for the cause. 😉 Happy New Year!


  15. 17 Connie January 1, 2015 at 6:45 PM

    Yes, Tex did like the cake, in fact, Tex loved the cake but particularly liked being with The Lee Lynch when her Pradas were returned & everyone in Ptown rightfully fawned over our one and only Icon of lesbians. Thanks so much for all the fun we have, have had, and will continue to have.
    Your best butch wishes you and Elaine a very Happy New Year. Looking forward to seeing you this year.


  16. 18 Lee Lynch January 1, 2015 at 11:30 PM

    What can I say, but thank you.


  17. 19 misterdangerous January 2, 2015 at 3:09 PM

    I enjoyed that. As someone who wears glasses I understood your frustration and loss. Glad you got them back.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. 21 Clifford Henderson January 4, 2015 at 2:03 PM

    Yow weave a fine yarn, woman. Thank you!


  1. 1 The Amazon Trail | sawyercaine Trackback on December 30, 2014 at 2:05 PM

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