Then I Go and Say Something Stupid like I’m Bisexual

 by Mel Bossa

Ah, identity. What a great and fucked up thing.

You know, I’ve been quiet for a year–well, not in my house, but on the web–and I took that time to step back and check it all out. See what you all had to say about this and that, and what really got you all heated up or snoozing. I went to my regular favorite websites and blogs, and hung around goodreads and LGBT review sites…

Oh and I wrote a book. But I’ll tell you about that one later.

Anyway, here’s the thing: I think bisexuality decided to take a sabbatical this year. I don’t know, but I haven’t seen it around much. If it wasn’t for Johnny Travolta and his little one man show, I don’t think we’d remember how to spell the word. Oh, and this just coming in, the guy from One direction might be bi directional. Okay, so that’s what we’ve got.

All right then.

We are slipping off the face of the earth, and yet, according to the latest studies, we are growing in numbers, people, Just like Nicholas Houx’ fans. Maybe, if bisexuals were zombies, we’d have more of a chance.

Oh, Mel, you whine so well.

I’m going to get serious with you for a second. I’m going to share something that happened to me and hurt me and forced me out of the dark and here, upfront,talking with you. I volunteer for a help line where I take calls from people who need to talk. One of the callers was a woman and she had much to say, so I tuned in on her pain and gave her my undivided attention, but you see when you’re in that zone, you’re real close to the person on the other line–almost like you can feel them sitting by you. It’s like holding their hand sometimes. In the middle of something, she says, “And I’m a lesbian.” That doesn’t change anything for me. I listen with the same attention. I don’t give gay people or straight people more of an empathic ear. So she adds, “And I’m not one of those fucking Bi Bi people. Those fucking women who can’t fucking chose what they want. Those fucking bitches.”

I knew the sentiment was out there in the real world. Of course I knew. I’ve lived on this earth long enough. But to hear it so close to my ear, damn. I know she was hurt by a woman who didn’t treat her right or lied to her. I know that. But the rage with which she said it made me feel like dirt. I sat there with my ears ringing and my face reddening, but kept my mouth shut.

But it isn’t dirt on me. It’s my identify. It’s my duality. I can’t back away and I can’t stand down. And I only wish we had more healthy role models in movies and books and even in our families. When was the last time an uncle whom everyone thought was gay, admitted he was really bisexual and had simply chosen to live his life with a man instead of a woman?

Oh wait, that’s my book.

I can already hear the tomatoes whizzing by my head with this character. People read the blurb and think: Cheater! Liar! Betrayal!!!

But wait, before you put this guy’s head on the guillotine. Give him a chance to show you what it’s like for him. Nothing is ever black and white.

In his secret lifeIn His Scret Life 300 DPI came out this month and I’ll be going back to my lurking, hoping my Davinder survives his coming out as bi.

Whatever happens, I’ll stand by this book and I’ll stand by Davinder.

Peace and love to you, my darlings! Be bold!

19 Responses to “Then I Go and Say Something Stupid like I’m Bisexual”

  1. 1 Kathi Isserman May 7, 2013 at 8:23 AM

    Perfect timing . Excellent review of this book. Here is the link.


  2. 2 Yvonne Heidt May 7, 2013 at 9:15 AM

    Personally, for me – if I were to take a stance like that woman who called (and obviously) hurt you – That wouldn’t make me any better than the people who would love to shove me back in the closet.
    We love who we love, we’re attracted to whom we’re attracted to. Again, for me – my opinion is this – We gravitate towards Spirit – not the package we might be driving this time around. Thank you for sharing 🙂 And it IS a great review!


  3. 3 Margo Moon May 7, 2013 at 9:16 AM

    I hope you don’t go back to 100% lurking! This is so compelling, and you have a great voice. It makes me eager to check out your novel.


  4. 4 Wendy Levy May 7, 2013 at 9:34 AM

    Yvonne is quite correct. It is indeed Spirit to which we are attracted in each of our many lives in the physical. I wonder just how many people realise that.


  5. 5 Rebekah Weatherspoon May 7, 2013 at 12:21 PM

    Great blog, Mel. I’ve given up even trying to explain to people what pansexual is. I can’t wait to read your new book. *internet high five*


  6. 6 Erin Saluta May 7, 2013 at 12:35 PM

    We all need to be happy with who we are inside ourselves and not judge others. It is so unfortunate that the labels we hate so much to have attached to our lives are what we use to hurt our own community members. Thank you for putting out a story that will continue to expand and enlighten our genre.


  7. 7 Steph from May 7, 2013 at 1:49 PM

    I have read more and more erotica with a bisexual theme this year. Olivia Cunning wrote a book out in January that really highlighted some ideas around it in my mind at least. Double Time. I am not saying it is reality but it made me think about it in ways I had not previously considered it.


  8. 8 jfaraday May 7, 2013 at 1:54 PM

    I can’t wait to read your book.


  9. 10 Mel May 7, 2013 at 4:57 PM

    Thank you…Your comments and support mean everything to me. My writing is really the only space where I can exist fully and completely in a world suited for us. When there is a connection with readers and fellow writers, the understanding is very life affirming.
    And it makes me wonder, can you see the color and gender of my soul?


  10. 11 Devlyn May 8, 2013 at 8:04 AM

    It is sad in this day and age that how anyone identifies is still judged by others. You are amongst friends here.


  11. 12 Dan May 8, 2013 at 9:59 AM

    Thankfully, it’s through great works of writing like yours Mel, that we feel the full potential of Art and its effects, of bringing forth new queer role models to our world with philosophical point of views and working real like worlds, it all reaches in and out and makes us belief, moves us intellectually & emotionally while taking us forward, toward evolution to something so compelling and true, a perfect queer place where being bisexual, gay, lesbian, pan, transgendered, … is just being. Great work, great book and great blog.



  12. 13 Dan May 8, 2013 at 10:58 AM

    As a bisexual man, I find a peace like confort in your writing, it’s a perfect place, a beautiful world, beautifuly written, when understanding prevails and where love is true.


  13. 14 Kim May 10, 2013 at 8:57 AM

    Your blog is a powerful reminder. Thank you for sharing.


  14. 15 jthallwriting May 14, 2013 at 7:29 PM

    Let’s hear it for the Bi! My girlfriend keeps wanting to call me a “lesbian flexible” since I’m in a relationship with her but still like to fuck guys on occasion. I keep telling her, no, I’m bisexual. That’s it. I just happen to want to be with her.


  15. 16 Estraven June 9, 2013 at 10:52 PM

    Have you considered posting your blog here:



  16. 17 Estraven June 9, 2013 at 10:55 PM

    This year, for some reason there were not many applicants in the bisexual category at the Lambda Literary Awards, so they actually had to collapse Fiction and Non-fiction down into one category. Thing about entering your book next year:


  17. 18 Estraven June 9, 2013 at 10:57 PM

    You also might want to let these people know about it:


  18. 19 Isabel June 10, 2013 at 2:43 AM

    Hi everyone!
    I want to share with you, that my experiences as coming out as bi where positive, whereever I made it public. Nobody treated me in a different way after I toled him/her about my sexual orientation.
    Even my mother (who seems to me like a very old fashioned woman) didn’t say anything bad to me!
    I just wanted to tell you, that it is possible, that people get more tolerant, even if you have other experiences. Keep going! Be strong! We will win, I#m sure. And even if it is not us, who will feel the change, but our children, it’s worth fighting!!!


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