The Amazon Trail

Night Owl

It all started when I wouldn’t get up on Sunday mornings to go to church. I was an energetic, nervous baby dyke, and I simply could not sit still that long with nothing to engage me. And the old guy up front was talking Latin, for pete’s sake. So, over some of my most formative years, say 10 through 13, I got in the habit of staying in bed really late on Sunday mornings until my mother finally gave up trying to unearth me.
Sleeping late on Sundays led to the complete and utter pleasure of staying up really late on Saturday nights. That became my time. Listening to the alternative radio station, watching horror movies on the $15.00 used console TV and, by high school, writing love poetry to my girlfriend and my crushes.
It didn’t take long before I was staying up Friday nights and as many other nights as I could get away with. That usually depended on when my mother got up to wake my father in his recliner, turn off the TV and make sure he went to bed. Then she’d sleep a couple more hours before discovering my light was still on. The poor woman. Riding herd on her Lynches was an unwinnable battle. I remember her warning me, “You’ll read your eyes out!”
So here I am all grown up – or so I’m told. My night still doesn’t end until three or four in the morning. For most of these years I’ve fought myself, acting as my own insomniac mother and ordering myself to bed, then not complying. Mornings I was wont to beat myself up for starting work so late yet again and I’d tell myself I’d go to sleep earlier that very night, only to be lured by the sirens of stillness and solitude into another rendezvous with an absorbing book or a project I wanted to finish.
So sue me: nights are when my inner owl awakens and challenges my intellect. I get ideas then and work out knotty writing quandaries. I dream then, of what I might achieve given leisure and a long enough life. I read my eyes out. I delight at the 3:00 A.M. madness of the cats and try to quiet them so they don’t wake my wife, sleeping all lonesome in the next room.
But there I go, beating myself up again. My sweetheart doesn’t. I fear creating a rift in our relationship by abandoning her to the night, when in fact she is the one with enough insight to recognize and accept – and still love – this night-fired insomniac. Just make sure you sleep long enough to get at least seven hours, she urges. What a simple revelation: be who you are.
I work on west coast time so I don’t have to be at my desk and my job till noon. Why not answer the call of my nature, she reasons. When I force myself toward early sleep, I come wide awake next to her, wriggling and itchy and grabbing index cards or the iPod to jot notes. The early hours of the morning, the rich dark of deep night, fan the fires in me. Their light flares and I’m up again, much to the cats’ delight.
It’s taken most of a lifetime and a perfect match to understand this quirk of mine. My wife is teaching me what love really is as she embraces this flawed being. She’s teaching me that flaws are not flaws: they are what make us ourselves when we’re not trying to conform to someone else’s agenda of normal. What makes me this way? I don’t know the answer any more than I know why I’m gay or how I came to be able to put pretty words on a page or how my wife got so wise and understanding.
With August’s wilding of England; America’s confusion between religion and power, people and corporations; with people drunk on hate of gays and colors; with the abandonment of wildlife to bulldozing developers – how I wish my sweetheart had a counterpart who could marry the world and steer it, also, to simply love all its parts and stop trying to quash the differences among living things that make this earth whole in its glorious self.

Copyright Lee Lynch 2011
August 2011

14 Responses to “The Amazon Trail”

  1. 1 Devlyn Sixtyseven August 29, 2011 at 9:18 AM

    As always Lee, you inspire and entertain us with your wisdom and insight.


  2. 2 Susan Baxter August 29, 2011 at 9:26 AM

    What a gift to have someone who not only recognizes and embraces you as you are but also pushes you to do the same.


  3. 3 Jemma August 29, 2011 at 10:07 AM

    Man, I wish my mum would’ve let me sleep in on Sunday’s.
    Not a snowball’s chance in tartarus of that ever happening.

    That sounds exactly like myself, no matter how hard I try to convince myself of the wisdom of going to bed early(before midnight) it never happens. A Night Owl I am, A Night Owl I always will be. 😀


  4. 5 Sharon August 29, 2011 at 10:36 AM

    Makes so much sense when you simply change your perspective and think “outside of the box”. Sadly, too many people are stuck inside the box and seem happy with being there…


  5. 6 Beth August 29, 2011 at 12:57 PM

    and I quote “My wife is teaching me what love really is as she embraces this flawed being. She’s teaching me that flaws are not flaws: they are what make us ourselves when we’re not trying to conform to someone else’s agenda of normal.”

    The beauty of this brings tears to my eys and yet, fills my heart with joy.



  6. 7 Renee Bess August 29, 2011 at 2:29 PM

    It has taken me so many years and a few difficult experiences to arrive in that place where your wife dwells. Now that I’m here, I am stunned by the utter simplicity and ease of it. I relate to the peaceful joy you have. Being understood AND accepted is truly wonderful.


  7. 8 Roberta August 29, 2011 at 3:00 PM

    Nice, I totally get the love affair that happens after everyone else has fallen asleep. I’ve been a night owl my enitre life. The world opens itself up n there is no better time for me. Like Lee, my cats enjoy Momma time, they sleep but it’s next to me. My Wife just says, Babe try to get to bed b4 5am. That makes your day off. Hehehe


  8. 9 Allie August 29, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    wish i could be as understanding and accepting of my girlfriend’s night owl tendencies as your wife is of yours. you have a truly wonderful person with whom to share your life and such an eloquent way of writing about it!


  9. 10 Twila August 29, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    My wife is the night owl in our relationship and I have tried to embrace our differences. Your story sounds like our life. I’m asleep when she’s awake, but that’s who we each are and I wouldn’t change her for anything.

    thank you for the beautiful words and inspiration



  10. 11 Jo Brower August 29, 2011 at 9:53 PM

    I think what you write is on target, one of the best. thanks
    Jo B


  11. 12 connie ward August 29, 2011 at 11:47 PM


    Beautifully said, as always!



  12. 13 Kim August 30, 2011 at 5:45 AM

    May we all aspire to be more like your wife in all of our own relationships.


  13. 14 bookgeek September 2, 2011 at 6:41 AM

    thanks for your blog and happy anniversary to BSB-blogging


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