“I’m a sweet bisexual, from sweet Bisexualinia.”

 by Mel Bossa

I like girls who like girls who like boys who like boys who like girls.

Yes, I’m one of that kind.

Way too queer for straight, a little too straight for queer.

Gays to the left of me, lesbians to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with who?

Where are all the bisexuals in the world? Have they boarded the purple spaceship back to their wonderful, inclusive little planet of Bisexualinia? And when they left, why didn’t they take me with them?

I struggle here on Earth.

Dissociated, yet whole, always in search of validation. Am I a friend to the gay community, or a nuisance, a nagging note in the margin? And what about the straight world? Yes, I live within its confines, but whenever I allow myself to open up to it,  I am quickly stuffed back in what I call “the queird” box. You know, where straight people put everything they don’t quite understand: transgendered people, intersexed people, polyamorous people, and those people…Those damn confused bisexuals.

Well, no surprise when you look at how bisexuality is portrayed in the media (yes, let’s blame them a little, it feels good). Most straight girls view bisexuality like a Katie Perry song; catchy, temporary, soon forgotten. Yes yes, something one does to stir the boys up—a cheap way of drawing some attention from the jaded male audience. Or maybe, a harmless experiment? Others, let’s call them men, see bisexuality (especially within their own gender) as one tiny but oh so slippery step away from being FULL BLOWN OH MY GOD gay. Meanwhile, the silent majority still believes that bisexuality is another term for “exploration.”

Wake-up call boys and girls. Bisexuals aren’t exploring their sexuality—they’re living it.

Now the question should be, are we living it in a healthy way?

Not so much, on a collective level I mean. It’s a dirty little secret, this bisexual thing. Trust me, I’ve had to give  a bisexual absolution to two different men this year. One of them came to me, tormented, guilt-ridden in his faded blue jeans—this man, this self-defined beefcake, gay all the way baby, had the misfortune of being attracted to—brace yourself—a WOMAN. How could he tell his gay friends about this?

Another poor soul, a young stud with numerous male admirers, had kissed a girl that night, and wondered if the said girl would tell the rest of the staff (he works in a gay bar which shall remain nameless to protect his all mighty gay reputation). “Oh man,” he said to me, that dark night, sucking on his cigarette, glancing around nervously. “I’m so fucked.”

What did he fear, deportation? Would the romeos tear his gay badge right off his perfectly trimmed chest?

I don’t know. I just don’t know.

One thing I’ve learned about being in the middle—it gets real tight. Sometimes, you can barely catch a breath.

But, we are here. We exist. Do we challenge comfort zones? Perhaps. Do we mix the cards up a little? I think so. Should we pick a lane and go with it?

No thank you!

This is one of our truths: we are not a threat. We won’t steal your girl or sleep with your man. But if we do, it will be because we are human, thus terribly flawed.

Not because we are bisexual.

And we won’t bite you.

Well, I might, but only if you ask me nicely.

So, I declare today, “Hug a bisexual” day.

But first my sexy queer friends, you’ll have to find one.🙂

12 Responses to ““I’m a sweet bisexual, from sweet Bisexualinia.””


  1. 1 bookgeek March 24, 2011 at 9:11 AM

    Hi Mel, I look forward to your book — I enjoyed your blog a lot: insightful, witty and queer. And you are right although I can understand how gay/lesbians might want to assert themselves they can be as straight and puritan and pc and exclusive as any straight world. Great blog!

    P.S.: Lara Zielinsky and her radio are on your wave length, I think.

    Like

  2. 2 jfaraday March 24, 2011 at 2:31 PM

    THANK YOU!

    You’ve put to words what I’ve been feeling for a long time, and it’s great to meet *another* one. Bi-high five! =D

    And I’m really looking forward to your book.

    Jess

    Like

  3. 3 Mel March 24, 2011 at 3:37 PM

    Bookgeek: thanks for the compliments and support. I appreciate it a lot. Hope you enjoy Split. Jess: I’m glad I spoke out. I was nervous about it. Thanks for stepping out with me.:-) I wish you success with your upcoming novel, The affair of the porcelain dog. I hope that one day, we can take our places in the LGBT community as sisters and brothers, on equal footing. I encourage you to check out the bi examiner and even get in touch with Sheila Lambert, bisexual journalist and activist. There are many other bisexual writers and artists out there…And if we begin to network, we can broaden our reach. This year, the LAMBDA awards have two categories for bisexual work. Next year, I’d like to see three or four. Bisexuality is not only about sexuality, but about identity. And the best way to demystify it, is to promote books that feature a main character who IDENTIFIES as bisexual (thank you, Rad). That’s key. We have to create a difference between this “gay for you” trend and bisexual fiction.
    Well, this is turning into another blog. I’ll stop now.:-)

    Like

  4. 4 Lara Zielinsky March 24, 2011 at 10:14 PM

    From one bi to another: Way to be visible! Join the Bi-Visibility campaign of BiWriters of America: http://biwriters.org

    See ya on the flip side!

    Like

  5. 5 Nell Stark March 25, 2011 at 11:10 AM

    Awesome post, Mel. Thanks for putting your thoughts out there–and in such an eloquent and compelling manner!

    Bisexual folks can find fiction as tricky a place as reality: Running With the Wind features a bisexual character who ends up with a woman at the end of the book, but who sleeps with a man in the middle. Check out the 1-star reviews on Amazon to see how well THAT went over with some of the audience.😉

    I think it’s so important to keep problematizing all the categories we use, and I really appreciate your candid post. Looking forward to your book!

    -Nell

    Like

  6. 6 Mel March 25, 2011 at 12:07 PM

    Neil- I haven’t read the book, but I’m curious to know if the character was established as bisexual early on…When a book is geared towards a predominantly gay audience (male or female), the reader has certain expectations and may not be in the right set of mind to suspend their expectations and go with the character where he or she wants to go. I think marketing the book as bisexual fiction is important and necessary. Blurbs and tags can take care of that.

    However, there is a dichotomy here: I want my bisexual fiction to be geared towards a bisexual friendly readership, yet I want my work to be included under the safe, well established banner of LGBT. That’s a natural phase all marginalized groups go through.

    It’s a matter of time–I believe bisexuality is the new gay and it will take years before we really settle into ourselves.

    Fiction is a mirror and as we begin to see ourselves more clearly, the image in the mirror will also clear up.

    Thanks for commenting and thanks for your support.

    Mel

    Like

  7. 7 adrianakraft March 26, 2011 at 4:28 PM

    Great post and well crafted, and I also appreciated the thoughtful comments. The murky middle is complex and hard to navigate. Even the term “bisexual” includes a wide range of innate attraction and actual practice, so it’s not necessarily accurate to lump us all together under the label, either. I’ll keep writing what I like to read and hoping I can find other readers out there who enjoy it too – and I do agree being clear in blurbs and promos is important, something I wasn’t as aware of when I got started.

    Like

  8. 8 Ruth Woolsey March 26, 2011 at 5:13 PM

    Here’s my take on the whole sexuality issue:why do we have to categorize anything and just let people be themselves? Although older than probably most,I have always found it to be tremendously erotic to consider any type of pairing in fiction or fact and have enjoyed many books with bisexual content. I am not a writer,but a voracious reader and it’s the way the book is written which decides whether or not I enjoy it,not whether a man sleeps with a man and a woman or vice versa.

    As to real life,fear plays such a massive factor in how sex of any kind is perceived (good girls don’t,till marriage,etc.) that most are afraid to ask anyone any type of question and have no resource or recourse so they “hide” themselves which only leads to numerous issues,both physical and mental.

    Bravo to you for the courage to stand up and tell the world that this isn’t an issue that is going to suddenly disappear,so if they really want to do their children a favor when they’re young,truly listening, understanding,loving and believing goes a long way to stopping a lot of things including suicide.Besides,if you want my opinion,I think that all of us are bisexual to a certain degree whether we would ever admit it or not…. a tug of attraction or lust is just that even if it’s for the same sex.

    Like

  9. 9 Adrianne Brennan March 27, 2011 at 11:32 AM

    I am technically bisexual but prefer the term “peoplesexual”. I’m attracted to people, not gender.🙂

    Good to see more authors coming out. Way to go on this post!!😀

    Like

  10. 10 rebeccasb March 27, 2011 at 5:58 PM

    VERY awesome post, courageous too…I very much applaud you. I for one am sick of the proscriptive definitions in the queer world…Though I’m gay, not bisexual, I’m well aware I don’t fit easily into everyone’s definition of what a lesbian should be…it’s something that’s been on my mind a lot lately…These narrow definitions of sexuality and gender, and the “rules” of this game of life…and you’ve given me yet another line of thought to ponder. Thank you!
    Looking forward to you book too!😀

    Like

  11. 11 Mel March 28, 2011 at 7:52 AM

    Thank you, Adriana, Adriane, Ruth, and Rebecca.
    I read your comments with interest and your words fueled the fire in me.
    I very much appreciate you taking the time to speak up. Merci!!!:-)

    Like

  12. 12 Elizabeth Tanner May 8, 2011 at 3:54 PM

    I am bi. Thanks for the visibility.

    Like


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