By Ronica Black
The quest for love is everywhere. It’s all over the television, the movie screens, it fills the pages of thousands of romance novels, it causes all that giddiness and excitement in young women (well okay all women) and frankly it’s what a great deal of us want and think about most. Love.
I think, and this profound…I think as gay women we think about it more. Call me crazy, but I think we do. And we don’t just want a decent, kind spouse, two point three kids and a fenced yard like our straight counterparts. We want it all. The spouse, the incredibly sexy, heart stopping, sexually insatiable spouse. The kids, the fenced yard and even a dog or two or three. But let’s go back to the spouse. (My head already has and I know yours has too.) Yes, she’s fiery and passionate and burns only for you, her true everlasting love. She’s sensitive to your needs, she cares, she’s hard but soft, she shops and mows the lawn, she looks good in a business suit and damn near heart stopping in a tank top and jeans. She listens, helps, loves unconditionally, knows exactly how and when to make love to you and… I’m running out of breath. Straight women want these things but they seem to settle for a lot less. If they have a decent, kind man who is good to them and their children, for the most part, they are happy. (I’m not saying all straight women here. But a lot.) We though, we know different. We know the real all encompassing deal IS out there and it IS for us. Because we are women who love other women. Therefore, we have the yearning and the same desire to find it that straight women do, TIMES 2!
And that is what has led me to the here and now. We, as gay women especially, all want love. But we all have a different set of wants and expectations and ideals when it comes to choosing a mate. And that’s why I wrote my latest, . To explore one woman’s quest to find it.
Her name is Adrian and she’s addicted to the dating game. (Or what she perceives to be the dating game.) She’s quite confident in herself but she truly has no clue on how to find the right sort of love for her. So she does what many of us have done, she dives in head first without checking the water first. The crooked warning signs poking out of the murky depths next to the buoys…yeah she completely ignores those. She just dives right in and then has the gall to act surprised when she comes up struggling for air as the undertow keeps tugging her down.
But that’s what makes her story so interesting. We get to, safely and from a distance, watch this woman go from one crazy scene to the next, much like some of us have done ourselves. We get to rear back in awful surprise with her, we get to turn the pages faster as she engages in some pretty heated, and sometimes wild, sex with these vastly different women. We get to stand by her as she finally starts to learn some of the lessons being thrown her way. And finally we get to watch her dig deep inside and deal with herself, which in turn, enables her to truly find the love that’s right for her.
But enough about the book for now. Let’s get down to the nitty gritty. Though the book is purely fictional, I know many of you will be able to relate to Adrian’s colorful trek. We’ve all dated, some more than others. We’ve all met some interesting people. And if you haven’t, then you probably have friends who have and oh what crazy stories they have! Because let’s be honest, ladies. People are weird.
I know I’m weird. Straight up. I have my idiosyncrasies, my quirks, my weird little habits. Number one most annoying thing my partner will tell you is that I’m a space cadet. Seriously. I cannot focus on more than one thing at a time. If I’m on my laptop and she starts talking… I’m a dead woman. Because I cannot focus on what she’s saying. I have to close my computer or my mind focuses on what’s on the screen. Sometimes it happens just in general conversation too. I will be on the phone with my sister and somehow miss several sentences at a time. And when I try to catch up I give myself away and she’s like, “Huh? No!” I watch my nephew and he’s the same way. He gets so intently focused on a task that’s it’s difficult to reach him. At six it’s somewhat impressive and even cute. At thirty four, not so much.
I worry. About anything and everything. Give me a scenario and I can foresee catastrophe five years down the line, carefully explain every step to you in the process before step one has even occurred. I also have a fear of germs. I keep hand sanitizer in my SUV and I will walk two aisles out of the way in a store if someone sneezes or coughs near me, so as not to walk anywhere by them. Public restrooms or any restroom a lot of people are using frequently, are not my favorite and I will avoid them at all costs. Surprisingly, though, I don’t mind hand shaking or hugs, go figure.
I like clean floors. Tile, wood, or carpet, I like to vacuum and mop. I like it shiny. A dull wood floor is so sad to me, clean or not. That being said, I am not a neat freak and I could care less about dog hair on the couch and on the bed. Dishes are often left in the sink over night at our house. Weird. I know.
By now you’re saying WTF Ronica?
Why are you telling me these things? It all goes back to the book and Adrian’s journey. I touch on many of these issues and color each character in the book with some of these idiosyncrasies. Because we all have our weird little things. No one is perfect. You may find in reading it (fingers crossed that you will actually read it) that what Adrian finds weird, you may not and vice versa. That would be awesome because that’s really the whole point. As Adrian’s best friend says, “Everyone is weird. You just have to find the right weirdo for you.”
Until next time,
Most sincerely yours,